HOW TO SIMULATE BEING A SAILOR

Kitty Hawk in the Indian Ocean 1987 duing the Round the World Cruise1. Buy a steel dumpster, paint it gray inside and out, and live in it for six months.

2. Run all the pipes and wires in your house exposed on the walls.

3. Repaint your entire house every month using gray paint.

4. Renovate your bathroom. Lower all shower heads to four and one-half feet off the deck.

5. When you take showers, make sure you turn off the water while you soap down.

6. On Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, turn water heater temperature up to 300 degrees. On Tuesdays and Thursdays, turn water heater off.

7. On Saturdays and Sundays tell your family they used too much water during the week, so no bathing will be allowed.

8. Put 5W-20 lube oil in your humidifier, instead of water, and set it on high.

9. Leave your lawn mower running in your living room 24 hours a day to maintain proper ambient noise level.

10. Once a month, disassemble all your major appliances and electric garden tools, inspect them and then reassemble them. Do this every week with your lawnmower, weed whacker and other gasoline powered tools.

11. Once a week blow compressed air up through your chimney, making sure the wind carries the soot across and onto your neighbor’s house. Laugh at him when he curses you.

12. Raise the thresholds and lower the headers of your front and back doors, so that you either trip or bang your head every time you pass through them.

13. Raise your bed to within 6 inches of the ceiling, so you can’t turn over without getting out and then getting back in.

14. Have a fluorescent lamp installed on the bottom of your coffee table and lie under it to read books.

15. Sleep on the shelf in your closet. Replace the closet door with a curtain. Have your spouse whip open the curtain about 4 hours after you go to sleep, shine a flashlight in your eyes, and say “Sorry, wrong rack.”

16. Make each member your family qualify to operate each appliance in your house i.e., dishwasher operator, blender technician, etc.

17. Find the dumbest guy in the neighborhood and make him your boss for the next two years.

18. Have your neighbor come over each day at 5 am, blow a whistle so loud Helen Keller could hear it, and shout “Reveille, reveille, all hands heave out and trice up.”

19. Have your mother-in-law write down everything she’s going to do the following day, then have her make you stand in your back yard at 0600 (6 A.M.) while she reads it to you.

20. Empty all the garbage bins in your house and sweep the driveway three times a day, whether it needs it or not.

21. Have your neighbor collect all your mail for a month, read your magazines, and randomly lose every 5th item before delivering it to you.

22. Watch no TV except for movies played in the middle of the night. Have your family vote on which movie to watch, and then show a different one.

23. When your children are in bed, run into their room with a megaphone shouting that your home is under attack and ordering them to their battle stations.

24. Post a menu on the kitchen door informing your family that they are having steak for dinner. Then make them wait in line for an hour. When they finally get to the kitchen, tell them you are out of steak, but they can have dried ham or hot dogs. Repeat daily until they ignore the menu and just ask for hot dogs.

25. Bake a cake. Prop up one side of the pan so the cake bakes unevenly. Spread icing real thick to level it off.

26. Get up every night around midnight and have a peanut butter and jelly sandwich on stale bread.

27. Set your alarm clock to go off at random times during the night. At the alarm, jump up and dress as fast as you can, making sure to button your top shirt button and tuck your pants into your socks. Run out into the back yard and uncoil the garden hose.

28. Every week or so, throw your cat or dog into the pool and shout, “Man overboard port side!” Rate your family members on how fast they respond.

29. Put the headphones from your stereo on your head, but don’t plug them in. Hang a paper cup around your neck on a string. Stand in front of the stove, and speak into the paper cup “Stove manned and ready.” After an hour or so, speak into the cup again “Stove secured.” Roll up the headphones and paper cup and stow them in a shoebox.

30. Place a podium at the end of your driveway. Have your family stand watches at the podium, rotating at 4-hour intervals. This is best done when the weather is worst. January is a good time.

31. When there is a thunderstorm in your area, get a wobbly rocking chair, sit in it and rock as hard as you can until you become nauseous. Make sure to have a supply of stale crackers in your shirt pocket.

32. Buy a trash compactor but only use it once a week. Store up garbage in your bathtub.

33. Invite at least 375 people, most of whom you don’t really like, to come and live with you for about 6 months.

34. Lock-wire the lug nuts on your car wheels.

35. Start your car and let it run for 4 hours before going anywhere, to ensure the engine is properly “lit off”.

36. Walk around your car for 4 hours checking the tire pressure every 15 minutes.

37. Make coffee using eighteen scoops of budget priced coffee grounds per pot, and allow the pot to simmer for 5 hours before drinking.

38. Have the paperboy give you a haircut with sheep shears.

39. Submit a request form to your father-in-law, asking if it’s OK for you to leave your house before 1500 (3 PM).

40. Take a two-week vacation visiting the Far East, and call it “world travel”.

41. Lock yourself and your family in the house for six weeks. Tell them that at the end of the 6th week you are going to take them to Disney World for “liberty.” At the end of the 6th week, inform them the trip to Disney World has been canceled because they need to get ready for an inspection, and it will be another week before they can leave the house.

42. Needle gun the aluminum siding on your house after your neighbors have gone to bed.

Now, who’s ready to go back to sea?

A Luau in Honor of the “Greatest Generation”

Clark County Conservative

Tiki 1December 7, 1941, the “date that will live in infamy” marked America’s entrance into World War II, what was to become the bloodiest conflict in recorded history that saw over 16 Million Americans putting on the uniform of one of the various branches making up our Armed Services.

When the world needed them the most, these men & women answered the call to fight a tyrannical enemy on the battlefields, in the air and on the open seas, prevailing four years later after over 400,000 of their number lay dead with another 670,000 wounded.

Five years later, 1950, many answered the call again to stand against another enemy to freedom in the small country of Korea, joining the younger men & women until a cease fire was signed 3 years later.

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Training Squadron 26 Buckeyes

For some who follow they are familiar and we knew them well. North American had a winner here. Tough little jet. The first one fledgling Naval Aviators took to the ship. I did 22 months in VT-26 Airframes, three shifts sometimes six days a week. We had 70 airplanes assigned. Our Mid Shift did about five phase inspections a night……….The squadron flew 140 to 160 training sorties per day. Busy place.

Our Tail Code was C. We also put USS Lexington on the jets. The Bicentennial Jet was a special one and made the airshow circuit.

T-2C, 158583, VT-26, NAS Chase, June 1983, Friddell T-2C, VT-26 Ramp, NAS Chase, June 1982, Friddell T-2C, 158591, VT-26, Sept 1979, R Morgan T-2C, 158311 with 159715 (XO aircraft), VT-26, Mar 1980, D Balcer T-2C, 157057, VT-26, Dec 1979, F Garcia T-2C_Buckeye_of_VT-26_in_flight_over_Gulf_of_Mexico_1989 VT-26 T-2C in Tension on Lexington VT-26 T-2C Cat Shot from LexingtonI did make one Carrier Qualification Det to Lexington in the Summer of 1977. One week long and got a ride back on Casper The Friendly Ghost.

NAS Chase Field and all three squadrons of Training Air Wing 3 were de-established in the first half of 1993 a few months before I retired from active service.

DIFFERENT WAYS OF LOOKING AT THINGS

Funny for a Sunday!

My Underwood Typewriter

‘Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully,’ the Divorce Court Judge said, ‘And I’ve decided to
give your wife $775 a week,’ ‘That’s very fair, your honor,’ the husband said. ‘And
every now and then I’ll try to send her a few bucks myself.’
___________________________________________
A doctor examining a woman who had been rushed to the Emergency Room, took the husband aside, and
said, ‘I don’t like the looks of your wife at all.’ ‘Me neither doc,’ said the husband. ‘But she’s a great
cook and really good with the kids.’
___________________________________________
An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last
40 years.
The Wizard says, ‘Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on
you.’
The old man says without  hesitation, ‘I…

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Kingman Airport (IGM) and Kingman Army Air Field in Arizona

Kingman, Arizona Airport has an interesting history to say the least. When The Missus and I came West to California in 2009, we saw Continental Express Embraer RJs and DHL 727s and 767s from I-40 in significant numbers.

Entrance sign at Kingman Army Air Field during World War II

Lines of B-24 Liberators await the scrap heap at Kingman AAF in Arizona

Entrance to Kingman Airport and Industrial Park

Continental Airlines Express jets in storage at the Kingman Airport in Arizona (May 2013)

DHL jet freighters in storage at the Kingman Airport in May 2013

http://www.planesofthepast.com/kingman-airport.htm

The unmistakable taste of space

“Back in the golden days of the American manned space program NASA shone with an almost divine light. The Space program was the embodiment of anything futuristic and the glare of rocket engines could elevate even the most mundane of products to a scientific breakthrough. Any brand even remotely connected to the space program proudly presented themselves as Space Age, or at the very least extraordinarily futuristic. American consumers were easily seduced”

“In 1957 William A. Mitchell of General Foods Corporation formulated a powder-based sweet and tangy orange-flavored drink, named Tang after the tangerine citrus fruit. The new drink hit the shelves in 1959, but did not fare well in the competitive American soft drink market. General Foods had aimed Tang at the breakfast table but despite promising more vitamin C than real orange juice America was not ready for a powder-based breakfast drink.”

The rest is at the link below.

The unmistakable taste of space